milk day

Today is 'milk day', when we go to the farmer to get our milk.
Tom has gone to do that.
I am getting ready to go to a funeral Mass; one of our friends died of a massive heart attack on Christmas day. One of his daughters was a student of mine, and his wife was also my friend. -- Another reminder of how blessed we were to be where we were at Christmas.

Yesterday was chemo-day. It was an easy day, with the regular i.v., blood work, two doctors examining D, and then his chemo-therapy of two different drugs. We at the clinic for less than five hours, which is a record for us. He handled the chemo well, with no anxiety. He's getting used to this.
I can't say the same for the i.v. intrusion; they had to stick twice, and the first stick was painful for a while. This is 'normal'. We have a new 'normal'.
Today, he has some energy. I'm pleasantly surprised, but I know better than to get accustomed to it. Energy is not part of the 'new normal'.
The blood work looked good, relatively speaking. I've been giving him 'green food' drinks to help build blood cells and build an immune system. He tolerates the drink, and I certainly prefer it to another blood transfusion.
He still has his hair, but it's thinning.

I'm going on like some kind of record keeper, rattling off as though I'm giving report on the six o'clock news instead of sharing my life.  Any lack of emotion in my words perhaps comes from my 'new normal.' I do what I need to do, and there is much to be done. My number one priority is to get my son well. Sometimes that means scrubbing floors and cleaning bathrooms (much more often than I have ever done before) and sometimes that means curling up on the sofa with him and rubbing his back while I watch him read. It all leaves little room for reflecting on my own words or how I might feel about anything that is going on.

I feel joy, I feel hope, and I feel tired. I bite my tongue when people say and do stupid things to me, and they do. I smile, I laugh, and sometimes I cry.  The 'new normal' doesn't sound much different that the old, does it.