thankful

I'm terribly behind in writing, but that is merely a symptom of how behind in thinking I have become. I am told my hormones are trying to re-align themselves, and it's normal to have lapses in memory, and an inability to think clearly. At times, my speak suddenly stops as I search for the right word. Then I reassure myself that I'm not having a stroke, but typically still can't come up with the word I want until someone helps me. I was trying to describe a song to a friend the other day, and I still can't remember the name of the lead singer of The Police.  My husband will laugh at me when he reads this, because I am usually the queen of band names. It seems that the part of the brain that controls these details is in stasis as the rest of my brain goes in recovery mode. 

Still, I'm thankful. 

For what am I thankful? 

I'm thankful that I was able to cook a delicious (if I do say so myself) meal for my husband and my children on Thanksgiving. I'm thankful that I had six children sitting at the table with me. 

 --- that my husband supported me in wanting to stay home and not be with his siblings on Thanksgiving. 

I'm thankful 

--- that my four-year-old thanked G-d for her "baby brother who died." (the brother she calls 'Rose')

--- that I was able to see my tiny baby and bury him with the help of my  husband. He was so gentle and loving through this process that tears come to my eyes when I think about it.

--- that my children sang lullabies with me as we said "good-bye". 

I am thankful that my body recovered so quickly, and my heart survived at all. I am healing and feeling well. I have happiness and I have joy; I didn't think that would be possible, and I am thankful.