miscarriage

I don't like that word.

It's a euphemism for "my baby died".
Let's not upset anyone, right? If I say, "my baby died," that is remarkably more upsetting for people to hear than "I had a miscarriage."

I have been saying, "We lost our baby." Tonight though, I told someone that I had a miscarriage. It felt inadequate. It felt impersonal and unemotional.
And it felt like I was taking responsibility for my baby's death.
To carry to term was the goal. It was what I was supposed to do. But I MIScarried. The word implies that I carried wrong. Yes, my body just stopped carrying the baby.

It doesn't matter that I never smoked, or that I avoided alcohol, caffeine or coffee of any kind, soda or artificial sweeteners. It doesn't matter that I took my vitamins and exercised. I still MIScarried.

I just don't like that word right now.